s.duerr

new years resolutions (that I will actually keep)

1. be less serious
2. be more independent
3. forgive but mostly forget
4. don’t half ass anything
5. become someone i’d like to meet

This weekend I’ve been playing the violin in a pageant my grandfather used to be a big part of— he transcribed the music and conducted for years. He died last spring. I had just gathered up all my things in the courtyard and was looking at my feet when two others joined them. I looked up and one of the older performers was beside me, smiling slightly. “I miss your grandfather too,” he told me. “You’re not alone.”

I have three performances to get through today.

which, incidentally, is also the number of hours I slept last night. well, here goes nothing. I have my grace kelly dress on and my red eyes are made up and I managed to get some oatmeal and a cup of coffee down.

wish me luck.. here’s to not sucking

I couldn’t sleep last night

Life and death are to be loved,

Changing like the fleeting clouds.

Walking either the path of delusion or enlightenment

Is only walking in a dream.

Dogen